A couple absolutely needs the core directions to be similar. If what was meant is just professions, professions too, ultimately have to be compatible in a way that works for the couple.

Sometimes one career influences the ability for the other to exist. Sometimes both parties want to be location independent. Sometimes both careers are going strong and no one wants to give up or miss an opportunity.

Being in a long term long distance relationship for over 5 years at least in my one situation has drilled home: direction is relevant and important.

Having too many friends who are doctors and programmers:

- Having a incompatible schedule starts out as a small thing

- Small things become big things

- Big things become distance creators, emotionally, mentally, and then physically

- Then we wonder how we got here.

Hope I didn't add to the confusion from other comments.

I think what you're describing is exactly the same situation in which start up founders find themselves. The couple needs to agree on the direction and organization of their family, just like the founders need to agree on the direction and organization of their company.

For example, a couple needs to agree on:

* How to divide up responsibilities at home

* Expectations of income (who works? how much?)

* Whether or not to combine their income or keep it separate (and how will they spend it)

* Whether or not to have kids (and who will raise them)

* How to negotiate extended family commitments on both sides

I think your example of the programmer and the doctor underlines the need for more agreement than physical proximity. What if the programmer wants to quit her job and work full time on a start up idea, taking no salary for the next 3 years? The doctor will have to make adjustments in his lifestyle to accommodate that decision. If they are not headed the same direction, that would bring enormous pressure to the marriage.

Absolutely. I only used physical proximity because it's a clear example; even relationships don't even need physical proximity at all times. I myself have spent most of the year away from my long(est)-term partner, because we explicitly agreed to pursue other goals over proximity.

> A couple doesn't need to have the _same_ direction, they just need to have compatible ones.

To the extent that its true, it equally true of partnerships (unsurprisingly, marriage really is a kind of partnership.) They direction must be the same within the scope of the partnership (profession is outside the scope of the partnership in marriage), and the direction outside the scope of partnership must be compatible with the shared direction within the scope of the partnership.

Absolutely, I'm not saying this isn't true in a startup. I'm saying this tweaked 'scope' is the important part, not that the directions are identical.