I can see what you're getting at, and I thought it was the issue for me, but I've come to realize that it's not a loneliness/lack of socialization thing. It's just that I really treasure in-person interactions with the people I am working on something with.
I got into software engineering because I like solving problems, but also because I love solving problems with really smart people. Turns out that it feels really good to do that in person!
Coffee breaks, lunch outings, being able to stop by someone's desk and shoot the shit or see what they're working on -- I've realized that these things are not only enjoyable for me, but critical for both the actual quality of my work and my motivation to do it. Not to mention any kind of whiteboarding / collaborative discussion, which I think is pretty obviously nicer in person.
So far, nothing I have tried remotely gives me the same kind of satisfaction that just physically being with my work partners does. I do think there's something very deeply ingrained in me that's responsible for that, and I know it's definitely not something everyone wants or needs.
> being able to stop by someone's desk and shoot the shit or see what they're working on
So long as the other person feels the same way. One of the reasons I enjoy working from home is people can no longer wonder by and shatter my concentration because they're on a break. They can ping me in chat and I'll get to it in my break.
But it just so happens that one preference is highly correlated with doing useful work, and the other to chatting, butt-in-seat mentality, and having others do your job (asking for "help").
À friend of mine struggles with what sounds similar and I implore you to ask if that is really what is going on? The lightbulb moment for them was realizing they didn't like putting in the effort of asynchronous communication because they struggled with organisation and not having a routine that allowed them to be productive in moving their side forward. It was a lot easier for them in the office because they were able to get away with these habits by just showing up and using the actual time to start.
What worked for them was therapy, creating a morning routine of moving their work forward and demoing their progression with short <2 minute Loom/Slack video clips. They also invested into one of those drawing tablets for $80.
Interesting. I've never ask myself this question, but reading your post I have realized that I really don't like solving problem together in person with whiteboard etc. Realizing that this cannot be considered as a good trait from professional perspective I still cannot resist the bitter feeling of hours wasted that way. My memory definitely deceives me - it couldn't always be that bad, but I can't help the impression is still strong.
> but reading your post I have realized that I really don't like solving problem together in person with whiteboard etc
I used to really hate it, now I just hate it -- like letting someone else sample my food.
I really hated it because of all of the pollitics and egos and because I was really passionate and brought a lot of insight to the table while 90% the time the others just brought their egos to the table.
Now I'm just jaded and I hate it because 90% of the time the solution really doesen't matter and people just waste eachothers times in endless meetings about details that really don't matter.
I got into software engineering because I like solving problems, but also because I love solving problems with really smart people. Turns out that it feels really good to do that in person!
Coffee breaks, lunch outings, being able to stop by someone's desk and shoot the shit or see what they're working on -- I've realized that these things are not only enjoyable for me, but critical for both the actual quality of my work and my motivation to do it. Not to mention any kind of whiteboarding / collaborative discussion, which I think is pretty obviously nicer in person.
So far, nothing I have tried remotely gives me the same kind of satisfaction that just physically being with my work partners does. I do think there's something very deeply ingrained in me that's responsible for that, and I know it's definitely not something everyone wants or needs.