Strange is an understatement. I can very much relate.
But if I'm being honest, so much has improved for me during the pandemic that I don't know how to feel about it.
I feel very guilty for saying this because people are dying and I've got more privilege than I can handle, but consider the following:
I was already anxious and depressed and wanted to self-isolate. Now everyone is anxious and depressed and forced to self-isolate.
I used to hate interactions with random people, especially delivery drivers. Now nobody wants to interact with anybody.
Being a remote worker was sort of weird. Now I can be remote and competitive.
There's so much more good content because everyone is at home and online. Also bigger gaming playlists.
Being a science news junkie has unlocked some real world value about how to best stay safe.
I learned a lot about how the public gets information and got rid of some "vaccine hesitant" friends and family.
mRNA vaccines are going to treat so many diseases so much faster now. HIV vaccine soon!
It used to be strange to wear a mask anywhere, even though it will keep you from getting sick during flu season, but now it's become normalized.
I'm sure there's a bunch of other things that I've already gotten used to and forgotten about, but mostly it's made avoiding face-to-face contact possible in pretty much every situation, which is really working for me right now.
Sure, I'm dissociating as years drift by with absolutely no social contact or memories, but I was probably going to do that anyway.
For me, this used to be a "mental health issue". Now I'm just responsible!
Of course, I won't be shocked if the virus ends up mutating in a way that wipes out humanity... but so far, with a little bit of luck, it's been a pretty big improvement for me personally.
I hope we somehow bring this to a sane resolution the same as everyone else, but I'm going to capitalize on this guilt-free way to self-isolate for as long as I reasonably can.
Clearly this some sort of bad and unhealthy way to live, but it's kind of comfy. I think English may lack a term for how this feels.
>I think English may lack a term for how this feels [comfy + unhealthy].
Perhaps we need a word. It would be a good one, since the best words combine complex, even opposite concepts. My first thought was "sickly-sweet". I also like the new phrase "doom scrolling", combining the dramatic and the banal, which also kind of applies. Somehow the phrase "doom snuggle" comes to mind (although this sounds more like a situation resulting in an unusable arm). Maybe better is "isolace", a portmanteau describing the solace of isolation.
Agoraphobia describes the anxiety that drives the behavior. English also has the phrase "shut-in" as well as the Japanese loan-word hikikomori, though that describes a person's behavior rather than the feeling behind the behavior.
But if I'm being honest, so much has improved for me during the pandemic that I don't know how to feel about it.
I feel very guilty for saying this because people are dying and I've got more privilege than I can handle, but consider the following:
I was already anxious and depressed and wanted to self-isolate. Now everyone is anxious and depressed and forced to self-isolate.
I used to hate interactions with random people, especially delivery drivers. Now nobody wants to interact with anybody.
Being a remote worker was sort of weird. Now I can be remote and competitive.
There's so much more good content because everyone is at home and online. Also bigger gaming playlists.
Being a science news junkie has unlocked some real world value about how to best stay safe.
I learned a lot about how the public gets information and got rid of some "vaccine hesitant" friends and family.
mRNA vaccines are going to treat so many diseases so much faster now. HIV vaccine soon!
It used to be strange to wear a mask anywhere, even though it will keep you from getting sick during flu season, but now it's become normalized.
I'm sure there's a bunch of other things that I've already gotten used to and forgotten about, but mostly it's made avoiding face-to-face contact possible in pretty much every situation, which is really working for me right now.
Sure, I'm dissociating as years drift by with absolutely no social contact or memories, but I was probably going to do that anyway.
For me, this used to be a "mental health issue". Now I'm just responsible!
Of course, I won't be shocked if the virus ends up mutating in a way that wipes out humanity... but so far, with a little bit of luck, it's been a pretty big improvement for me personally.
I hope we somehow bring this to a sane resolution the same as everyone else, but I'm going to capitalize on this guilt-free way to self-isolate for as long as I reasonably can.
Clearly this some sort of bad and unhealthy way to live, but it's kind of comfy. I think English may lack a term for how this feels.