As someone who feels like I've wasted most of my 20s since graduating university (turning 29 in 2021) with a job(s) I don't see any future in, man this hits hard. My lack of risk taking, and an unfortunately timed death in the family in 2016, really are me sitting there watching these figs dry up. Damn.
I executed a major career pivot at age 32 and now that I'm approaching 40, I'm so glad I did. It was hard but worth it. You have plenty of time, as long as you can put aside the feelings that you've waited too long and start looking for a path from your current life to the life you want. Those feelings will only hold you back. Now is a good time to pick a fig and start eating it. :)
It's never too late. I was drowning in debt a few years ago, in a bad career, and I was older than 40 [actual age undisclosed]. I don't have a solid retirement, but I'm now doing well and have some peace in my life.
My one life advice: Don't search for greatness, search for peace.
The initial diagnosis was crap. Add in some surgery and the diagnosis improved dramatically, different type. As far as a cancer diagnosis goes I got off really well in the end.
It was the initial stage where I felt I had a death sentence that shifted my outlook on life. When you think you're going to die you re-evaluate some things. I looked at my life, thought about what I'd regret, and made 5 year plans to get things on track. I'm now in the habit of setting plans for 5 years to ensure I don't regret the life I do have.
I am just a year younger and also had an unfortunate family death at the end of 2016. I have a lot of the same feelings. My current resolve is to quit my job around the time the pandemic ends, and start taking more risks with how I choose to spend my life. I am lucky to have enough savings at this point to do so. Maybe I'll figure things out a bit better before I hit the big 30. I hope you can find a path that works for you too.
Yeah, the pandemic is the only reason I'm still in my job currently. I had an option to go do a masters, but I was talking to a recruiter in that country and they mentioned how badly the market had dropped, so I decided to postpone it once again due to wanting stability in a pandemic. Hopefully it'll work out this next year.
46 year old here. Wave I remember feeling like I'd wasted so much time and was irreversibly behind in my twenties. Like, it was all decided. There are so so many figs left. Many many chances ahead of you!
That said, time is ticking and while it isn't too late, now is the best time to start!
Yeah, when I was younger I remember feeling like I kept abandoning all my ideas. Years pass, and you realize that the ideas are still there, and it's more like you're rotating between them. Which is kind of a nice way to be. Work on one for a while, set it down, go to the next one, etc.
I suppose the feeling itself came from comparing myself to others (which is natural), and it was having some success in some field relative to others that gave me the feeling like I could succeed, I wasn't behind everyone in everything, forever. I guess for the mental health aspect of this, it's probably good to pick something you are good at, better than others, and actively appreciate it. It's not good to feel completely behind in all things. Good luck! :)
> It is never too late, but do not let that be an excuse to delay any decision.
Beautiful, this is the explanation I was looking for because whenever I'd hear that "it's never too late," I just felt like that enabled procrastination, but your explanation solidified that life is not long, but rather it is short indeed. It's true that it's not too late for many of your future opportunities, but eventually, time will run out.
I certainly hope so. But man, it's a sinking feeling when so many others seem to have it figured out at an even younger age. And knowing that the clock is ticking to actually go get those figs.
If the purpose of life is the journey to get there, not the destination, how could anyone younger than you have figured it out? Life is the one thing where people will never catch up and pass you.
Fair, but I feel the journey is stopped/halted by the crippling student loan debt that will just get worse if I try to change via more education (which is likely, as I want to change countries and it's the easiest way). Really, that might be the worst part of it all, the student loan burden.
I've never really understood what this means. Did people in their 20s have their life pretty well together in the past? or does it mean when you're in your 30s is the best time to start partying and throwing caution to the wind? Is your 30s when you first leave home and get a higher education? It's really a really confusing turn of phrase to me. I must be missing context
In my parents' generation, there was a lot of pressure to have children before 30. There was a widespread belief that giving birth after 30 risked the health of the mother and the child. As medicine advanced and neonatal care greatly improved, that deadline was pushed back and women started to seriously entertain the idea of careers before having children.
There are other cultural and societal factors at play, but the greater longevity and better medical care have opened up the time period for the expectations that previous generations had for their 20s.
It’s also not just about giving birth, but a woman’s body is probably far better at recovery after birth in their 20s than 30s.
Not to mention the energy to keep up with little ones, and if you ever want the option of more than 2 kids. And of course if you’re 30+ when you have kids, and your kids are 30+ when they have kids, you are pushing 65 to 70+ which makes playing with the grandkids not as much fun and you’re soon to be less of an asset in terms of help and possibly a liability for your kids due to declining health.
On the other hand, you may have increased your chances at having a higher paying career, but I suspect, for many, the extra savings don’t quite make up for the trade offs.
Also a good point, trade offs all around to consider!
I had mine in 30 to 35 range, but if I could go back in time and had found my spouse, I think I would have opted to have them in 25 to 30 range. However, no one in my social circles has kids in their 20s and barely anyone is married by 30 so we also may have been socially isolated if we had chosen to do that.
But I try to think back to what I did in my 25 to 30 range that I thought was worth delaying starting a family and I can’t come up with anything, other than being a little bit further ahead in the rat race. But all the other rats are thinking the same thing, so who is really benefiting?
So it would seem the trend is very much to settle and stabilize in your 30's. I do hope we figure out even better and safer ways to allow women to give birth a little later, if they so choose.
It also seems useful to become a parent with that extra decade of life experience. And if we incentivize exercise in the later years, it could offset the "feeling tired at 70" thing? My fiancé's grandpa runs marathons and honestly has more energy than I do!
Most of what we do in our 20s doesn’t seem that important after the fact (unless you’re an Olympic athlete or otherwise very lucky) but I think it’s an important part of growing up and feeling secure — in yourself, your career, and your relationship. All three types of security are very important to being a good parent.
You can't have kids when you are in your 20s if you are a man who cannot find a woman willing to date you who also wants to have kids while you are in your 20s.
The bottleneck is the same as it is for any issue regarding children.
This is interesting because I'm 25 and sometimes worry that I'm going to miss out on the opportunity to start a solid family. It feels so difficult to find anyone my age who wants more than just a fling, and women in their 30s don't even bother with someone my age or they already have kids. From what you're saying, maybe I'm not going to miss out, I'm just thinking about it too soon.
Don’t sweat it too much. I feel like my life got a lot more stable in my 30s. I moved countries, met my now wife, bought a house together, had two kids and finally married. Even personally and career wise it’s been a period of stability and growth.
I also don’t think you’re thinking about things too soon. We’re all slightly different. Also don’t make decisions for other people by writing them off. Just because they present one way doesn’t make that the sum total of who they are. You’ll need to have relationships in order to meet someone to have kids with.
Most people would be married with families by their late 20s. Now many enter into a sort of second childhood and settle down in their 30s or beyond. Hell, I still have some acquaintances from school who are slowly transitioning into the creepy old guy hitting on 24 year olds.
I've always taken it to be about your peak - when life is at its best. In your 20s, you're generally in good health, maintain a good social network from school or college, active social life, etc. I'm in my early 40s and feel like I have it more together now than in the past: fewer but better friendships, more interesting conversations, more means to do what I want in terms of travel or entertainment.
Studied physics with the intent to go to grad school. Realized after graduating I didn't want to do it because of the perverse incentives in academia (I'd still love to do research and get a PhD eventually if I can fund it myself and not be reliant on academia). Worked as a substitute teacher for a year, then in a mortgage bank for a year. Left that to accept a Fulbright grant, which I eventually had to decline because of the death in the family at the worst possible timing.
Since then I've been a teacher. Looking at pivoting into finance in Ireland/Europe (with a masters in Quantitative Finance) next year; was planning on doing it this year but, y'know, corona kinda destroyed finance jobs over there and I'd need a work visa (thankfully it's a high need field so it's a bit easier)...
