My twenty one year old daughter died two months ago. A young policeman came to my door. It was the first time he had to do the job mentioned in the article and he did it very well.
I have very little memory of those first few hours. I now know what it is to be insane. I was so disconnected from reality that people have told me that I had long conversations with them that I have zero recollection of. The only thing I clearly remember was telling the officer that I had a gun upstairs and that if he didn't take it, I was going to murder the man responsible for her death within the hour. It was the most matter of fact confession of planning a murder imaginable.
After a couple of hours, I saw a Facebook post of hers and lost it, the insane calm left me and I bawled my eyes out.
It's her birthday tomorrow. I miss her so, so much.
Anyway, the point of this post: my daughter died of an overdose. She was at a party, a man gave her powdered pure fentanyl claiming it was cocaine. I have no idea why. She snorted some and overdosed soon after.
All I want to happen is that someone somewhere reads about what happened to my daughter and reminds their kids that without proper testing kits, they have no idea what the fuck they are taking. Drugs may not be bad, but some people certainly are.
I've come to hate fentanyl... In the past couple years it has become significantly more widespread, and in the completely insidious way you describe. People think they're buying heroin (or worse, cocaine, at least if they're a heroin user, they have some tolerance to opioids), and it's laced (or completely replaced) with fentanyl.
I'm a paramedic in a nice suburban area. I've been doing this a little over a decade now. I managed to make it a good long while without having to deliver life changing news to a parent. In the past two years I've done it way too many times.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I have witnessed your pain in others, and I know that it's beyond my comprehension...
Please do not hate Fentynal, hate the people choosing to use it. As a person who suffers from chronic severe pain due to a near fatal illness, I can tell you that For people like us Fentynal is a life saver as far as the quality of life it provides to those who need it. It is one of the few medications I can take as it does not metabolize in the liver, if any does it is a tiny amount. Fentynal also does not come in a powdered form they are taking a liquid version and mixing it into powders, other then that one form all other preparations are majorly tamper resistant being either in a matrix that almost makes it impossible to even be affective in the system or on a patch which breaks down over time to slowly release in the body. Of course there are exceptions, but please do not hate the drug, hate this sick bastards that are using it to increase their illegal sales! (my apologies to the OP for hijacking their question.)
When I say I hate fentanyl, I mean I hate the illicit and recreational use of fentanyl. I'm well aware of its legitimate uses (it's my go-to analgesic in the back of the ambulance). The drug itself isn't 'good' or 'bad', it's just a chemical... it's amoral.
All fentanyl, legal or otherwise, starts out as a powder (generally as the salt, fentanyl citrate, though illicit labs produce a number of variations...). You're right that there is no powdered form sold legally, but most of the illicit sales come from labs in Mexico and China, and is indeed in powdered form.
I am close to someone in your exact situation who was able to switch to medical marijuana from fentynal and other opioids after dealing with near fatal withdrawal effects. By no means hate fentynal, but perhaps save a bit of hate for regulators who criminalize or perpetuate the criminalization of non-addictive, inexpensive alternatives to opioids to protect pharmaceutical company profits.
My pet hate as a phrase, "I know what you're going through", and variations - "I understand how you feel"...
Far better: "I cannot pretend to understand how you're feeling", "I can't imagine...". Perhaps with "I can only appreciate how difficult it may be", and so on.
One thing remains the same, it's always my least favorite task as a paramedic.
From a harm reduction perspective, what would the minimum testing kit to differentiate fentanyl from other physically similar-appearing drugs look like?
When I was an active heroin addict, I would do a small test shot of new
product before doing a normal dose. If it was too strong, then the match-head sized shot would get me off, and I would know to go easy on it. If nothing happened, I would wait 5 minutes and then raise the dose, until I was where I wanted to be. I somehow managed to avoid overdosing in the 8 or so years I was using. I don't know what part of that can be attributed to caution or luck, but there was probably a lot of luck involved. Either way, that chapter of my life is over, and I am grateful to have come out alive.
It probably uses a marquis reagent, which could theoretically be made at home, as it is just a mixture of formaldehyde and sulfuric acid[0]. There are also websites[1] that have a key describing the colors that a number of substances produce on reaction with various reagents.
I don't know who you are, but I am giving you the biggest hug in my head.
I'm not sure about testing kits, but there is naloxone, which is becoming part of standard operating procedure in reversing overdoses and is even available OTC in some states. If something is learned from your daughter's death, I hope that the availability of naloxone becomes better known and even more widely adopted.
My parents were devastated when my brother died. Coping with his death very nearly killed my mother, and almost certainly killed my father. As cliché as it sounds, there is life after death, and you have loved ones who will help you through this. Not believing that probably worsened my parents' state of mind. I wish you strength, peace, and light in the coming months.
The problem with fentanyl is that it's so potent, it's very easy to _massively_ overdose on it. Beyond what the standard dose of narcan can reverse. It's not uncommon to need three or four times the normal dose, and I doubt most people buying it OTC (or through a harm reduction program) are getting that much.
My youngest brother died of a Fentanyl overdose just nearly a year ago. We assume he thought it was heroin, but whatever was going around at that time managed to kill almost a hundred people in the same weekend. Truly a horrible, horrible drug.
I know it doesn't count for much right now, but I promise that things do get better in time. If you ever need to chat, feel free to message me anytime.
It seems absolutely as straigtforward as I wrote. From that article:
"American drug and law-enforcement officials, concerned about the dramatic surge in overdose deaths from pharmaceutical opioids (165,000 from 1999 to 2014), cracked down on both legal and illegal distribution, opening the door for Mexican heroin, which sold for five to ten bucks a dose"
A trusted source of a heroine-like drug was removed, so the cartels increase production of heroine. But fentanyl is more profitable, and
"The cartels mix fentanyl with heroin because once an addict has shot that mix, they won't go back to "just heroin," since they can't get high on it anymore."
I am a physician, and there has been a "state of emergency" declared in my province due to a fentanyl overdose "epidemic". Although I use this drug routinely, it is incredibly unsafe outside of a clinical setting. Unfortunately, these are not your stereotypical "bad" people that are dying from overdoses, but your average young people who just happen to experiment. It's utterly awful, and I feel for you. I hope this trend (if you can call it that) ends soon.
Yes, groups that society consider to be trash or defective from the get go. Not "those people" who don't "deserve" such things to happen to them. The law enforcement response to opiods versus crack in the 80s shows us how society views these groups, and what the solution is (militarized police for one, "treatment" for another).
Addiction is a complicated problem and labeling the addict as 'bad' is an antipattern. Modern society should be able to approach everyone from a position of dignity and humanity - dehumanizations erodes both parties in an interaction. 'You deserve to die because of your past history' is a brutal, ethically untenable stance.
Then again, considering we have limited resources for dealing with this problem, pretending all users are the same when we damn well know they aren't is probably not the most efficient approach.
I wasn't claiming statistics or individual differences don't exist.
From the point of view of outcomes and efficiency it's better to approach people as individuals and not as statistics, or even worse, statistics with moral binning into good and bad. The logical argument is that humans are complex and it takes a lot of time to gather sufficient data to be correct.
I can dig out references if you like but medical facilities which focus more on individual-to-individal interactions rather than on factory like throughput work better.
Well sure you can cite evidence where treating people as individuals is beneficial and optimal, my dispute was that this is always the optimum approach.
The people who are overdosing from the Fentynal problem are doing so mostly unknowingly. Dealers are "spiking" their heroin with it in an effort to boost sales as when someone OD's from taking heroin, the user community takes that as being a great batch of heroin and the OD being caused by someone who is not very tolerant to heroin. It's a sick and disgusting game that dealers are using. Again it's not the drug and generally not the users who are OD'ing that are bad, it's the sick twisted dealers out to make more dope money!
I didn't read what GP wrote as those "bad" people deserve to die (nobody deserves to die IMHO but that is another subject) but that it is not the hardcore, everyday drug users who die but the average-kid-nextdoor who is experimenting.
experimenting with drugs which, even if they are what you think they are, can be fatal. Especially when mixed (as they often are) with alcohol and other narcotics.
There isn't some special shield around newbie drug users to protect them from consequence. I find the whole concept bizarre, they are well within their rights to experiment but then they own the consequences.
> but your average young people who just happen to experiment
That's exactly how "stereotypical bad" people start out. It's just that fentanyl kills them faster, while other drugs leave them time to self destroy until we no longer have any empathy.
A surprisingly large chunk of the population has tried opioids, a relatively small percentage become the classic druggie. Much like alcohol is common, but only some people have major issues.
The difference is how long the average person can stay a casual user.
Everyone starts out that way. Some stop, some turn into stereotypical bad people. It's a real shame when anyone at the first stage overdoses and dies. Still a shame for the latter group, but they have more culpability for their own death by continuing to do something they know could/will eventually kill them.
Nobody starts of planning to get addicted. And while they certainly should realize that's a risk I'm not sure it ever factors into anything. Much like harsh punishments don't actually deter crime.
Sometimes we take decisions without being fully aware of the consequences (or simple choosing to ignore the consequences), but this doesn't make us less responsible. Nobody drives intoxicated planning to have an accident, for example.
And of course punishments deter crime. Not the crime that happens, obviously, but the crime which is never committed. There would be more rape, theft and murder if there were no consequences at all.
the same way all the high speed accidents happen to people that started driving at the «harmless» speed of 20km/h.
What I want to say is that demonizing marijuana can allow a bad comparison in the form "marijuana did nothing bad to me, all the thing they say about drugs are nonsense, so I can move to other drugs and be ok".
Truth is marijuana is harmless, compared to almost all the other drugs, including alcohol and tobacco.
It is hard to support my parent comment, but it is true: addicts are not good young girls/boys anymore. And if someone 'experiments' with hard drugs like cocaine or heroine, he/she is statistically-definitely addict with all consequences. One doesn't simply stop after first dose, that's why non-medical drug use is illegal.
> And if someone 'experiments' with hard drugs like cocaine or heroine, he/she is statistically-definitely addict with all consequences. One doesn't simply stop after first dose, that's why non-medical drug use is illegal.
This is definitively wrong. They do not meet the medical criteria for substance use or substance dependence. Nor is it statistically probable that a person eventually will, given that they have taken the drug at least once.
I've taken cocaine exactly one time in my life. That being said, I would never touch meth, heroin or crack even once.
People will do drugs, I accept that. I just want them to know the actual risks of what they are doing. I can't stop adults choosing to take drugs but maybe I can remind a few people to be a lot more careful and to be less trusting of their suppliers.
Can't downvote so responding instead: this is the kind of harmful misinformation that stigmatizes even responsible drug use and makes it less safe for all. Please educate yourself and reform your beliefs on the matter, and stop spreading it.
Also do you realize what you're saying to the author of the root comment? Shame on you.
Can you please provide a link to addicts-per-'those who used cocaine/heroine' ratio? I can't find exact numbers supporting common medical knowledge (e.g. 1/5 for cocaine).
> And if someone 'experiments' with hard drugs like cocaine or heroine, he/she is statistically-definitely addict with all consequences. One doesn't simply stop after first dose, that's why non-medical drug use is illegal.
Even though I'd also like to see such a link, I'd argue that because you're the one making a rather strong (purportedly factual) statement, it's up to you to provide evidence for it.
Don't get me wrong: I don't have a strong conviction on this matter. I really do want to see some evidence to inform my own point of view.
That said, the vast majority of my friends have used cocaine, as have I. Most of them multiple times. None of them have a problem with cocaine.
I'd never encourage someone to experiment with cocaine or heroin because it can be quite dangerous. But misinformation is potentially even more dangerous.
Same in my case. I tried LSD, cocaine, MDMA and DXM, and each of these only once in my life. I saw no point in doing any of them again, and I had no problem whatsoever refraining myself from it.
I cannot fathom this experience, but even though you are a stranger I am truly sorry that you have had to go through this loss, i wish we could give legit hugs over the Internet or give some other more meaningful semblance of humanity/support than some bytes on a webpage.
I admire the self control you had in telling the cop about your gun despite knowing what you wanted to do with it.
If you are married, I have seen a pattern where the loss of a child severely impacts the marriage negatively. Try to resist that if possible.
My condolences to you. I can't imagine the pain of losing your child, I can only think of losing my younger brother and watching what my parents had to deal with.
Good thing you didn't murder him, he might not have known that wasn't cocaine, and going to jail for that would not have been something your daughter wanted.
The threat to murder was more of an expression of the mother's grief than an actual threat — in such grief and shock, humans tend to want to find someone to blame. In her right mind I'm sure the mother would never truly consider murder.
I have very little memory of those first few hours. I now know what it is to be insane. I was so disconnected from reality that people have told me that I had long conversations with them that I have zero recollection of. The only thing I clearly remember was telling the officer that I had a gun upstairs and that if he didn't take it, I was going to murder the man responsible for her death within the hour. It was the most matter of fact confession of planning a murder imaginable.
After a couple of hours, I saw a Facebook post of hers and lost it, the insane calm left me and I bawled my eyes out.
It's her birthday tomorrow. I miss her so, so much.
Anyway, the point of this post: my daughter died of an overdose. She was at a party, a man gave her powdered pure fentanyl claiming it was cocaine. I have no idea why. She snorted some and overdosed soon after.
All I want to happen is that someone somewhere reads about what happened to my daughter and reminds their kids that without proper testing kits, they have no idea what the fuck they are taking. Drugs may not be bad, but some people certainly are.